I had had to keep this diary to myself
You know why? You never for once gave me enough reason
Yes, I have admired others, fell in and out of love with others
I wasn’t happy with any of them
It never felt real with them
So many times I had wished it was with you
Mostly, I have flashes of our past
I feel so torment and I vowed to myself never to force a restart
It will definitely break my heart
I had to fight all my battles alone: hoping you will make ours official some day.
But here you are just like the rest claiming, “This isn’t the right time, you aren’t ready yet” and a host of sh*t. (unapologetically: I always knew that)
I disgust myself having to be emotionally drained and attached to someone who didn’t reciprocate the same affection
I disgust myself for creating this thing called “forever with you” all in the name of a positive outlet
And for all the best part of me to you, it was for a reason
Sometimes I am being reminded of the fact that you wouldn’t give me happiness, unmerited joy, forgiveness, make time, take yourself (I mean ourselves out), unbridled love, passionate kisses, shower me with gifts without having to think of it just like I do.
All you think about is your stu**d bank account and balance left. I remain a secondary issue and not a premium. 😂😂
I remind myself your coming into my life is just transient and nothing more than just a passing fleet!
I always and will always renege this encounter of ours.
an open wound