6p.m at Kokrobite Beach Resort
It’s funny how I am sitting here at the Kokrobite beach Resort all alone with the waves screaming at me “Girl, how are you feeling in general about this new chapter”?
Hungry and yearning for more
I have typed, retyped and deleted this post and many others I felt it wasn’t worth reading.
I have questioned my sanity and pinched myself so many times.
I have felt good about myself for a gesture of yesterday and for an honour bestowed upon several times.
I have teared and hugged myself because none was around to feel my warm embrace.
I have hated myself so many times when they say “oh, you are too calm, composed, cool and collected- not flexible.
I have loved and lost, disappointed and pained greatly.
However, my faith in God never changed
“God never brought me this far to let me go”- this line always hits me when I get discouraged.
I often reflect on the person I was in my early 20’s and I honestly don’t recognize me anymore. I felt scared to potentially take the wrong path in life and end up in some dead end I didn’t like. Thankfully that isn’t the case whatsoever, and I have not only proved to myself, but those also around me that you can find happiness in what you do. Sadly, I never go back the kind of happiness I deserved. I have pretty much been hard on myself and neglected the best for myself.
Things have been eating me up these past few days, weeks, months, years. It’s absurd how life takes a different turn one minute and the next minute things begin to look blurry. My only place of solace and regeneration is my blog, God, and a few male friends who have sworn to talk to me till I fall asleep on my bad days. (I appreciate the love and comfort).
I have experienced unrequited love and for months now, sleep refuses to make it’s way successfully. I have questioned my sanity and felt like I amounted to no good. Evenings became more lonelier like the face of an owl. I always will call on some trusted friends pour my heart out, cry inwardly and lie to my hollow heart; it’s fine girl, you have got this!
It wasn’t! I just needed a hug and someone to assure me I definitely wasn’t going crazy. It was a face of life every young adult struggles with and that it will certainly pass. I overwork myself, sit at the shore alone, talk to myself, it wasn’t just working! I just couldn’t come to terms with the fact that someone who cared about you now ignores and sees you as a total stranger.
So today, 4th September, a new chapter brings… I rummage through my heart, search through my inner self, and I came out with:
Forgiving myself first
Forgetting the past- Even though it’s hard. It’s real hard forgetting about my loss, a heart-break, an unrequited love, disappointment, and a lot I keep harbouring inside.
Living an intentional life and being happy regardless of whatever life threw at me.
Loving myself- I have struggled with this a lot.
Listen to this song 👇👇👇