The questions that goes on in the mind of single ladies is what I would want to unravel. This may sound straight-up sad and a bit odd. That’s why I initially resisted writing this piece. I cringe when I imagine this was, however, going to be read by my audience – strangers online, fellow artist, friends, crushes, admirers afar and my future dates who will be lurking in my blog.
“How do you reconcile having a good life; well-to-do, think of the finest things life would give you and you are still single? Or do you have your kind of ideal Man?’’ He asked. I replied, “It’s about not organizing your life around another person- when you shut all doors and prioritize the relationship above everything. Personally, I don’t seek perfection because I know definitely I’ll not have everything. I would like to have a balance, where my kind of friendship is important as my romantic relationship and so it will be with my work. However, if there is no Romantic relationship, does my yearning for a partner make me lame and frustrated?
For society, Growing up should follow the norm…and the kind of questions they pose:
When are you going to school? Hope you have now gained admission to the university, Now that you have completed your National service and have landed yourself a well-paid Job, when are you planning to get married?
Sometimes these questions makes me wonder if it’s every woman’s fault she is single. I had one picture in mind back then and that was to embark on a journey of Purity, concentrate on my studies, and get a well-paid Job, meet my husband and marry. Perfect isn’t it? But then it looks like one in a million will have that dream come true and now I know it will be boring if this dream came true. May be or maybe not!
Here I am surrounded by people from different tribe, school and homes. Did I make friends? Of course I did… and a lot of them were men too. Now this is the point a lot of people assume. The fact that a woman is surrounded by men does mean there is a kind of fondness for them. Love is a beautiful thing even though, personally I haven’t had the chance to be loved… (You may doubt; argue with yourself). It will happen when it happens and when it does, you’ll treat it the way you want it. I have had so many people talk about their marriage life, others pour out their fears, joy and whether or not I am ready or what at all am I waiting for? These get me sometimes… especially when I begin to reflect on life daily. The question is, should we feel frustrated at a certain stage
when society keeps pouncing on us? Should we be perturbed when everyone seems to be talking about “marriage?” should we be disturbed about getting the perfect creature to hook up with? Emphatically “no”. Why can’t we allow them to breathe, take their time with the choices they make, stop tagging them, and reflect on their next move before regrets and depression start to set in.
The “Why” is what I want to unravel. For someone who is emotional and have that intense feeling, you need to be sure of yourself first before making any kind of commitment because marriage is no joke; it’s for a lifetime. You sure do owe that guy or lady honesty and wouldn’t want to pretend, make the person feel unwanted, bored in the relationship, unhappy or use the person to escape your own emotional needs. It’s definitely not about someone waiting for that “Perfect somebody” so stop thinking and assuming any single person you see is making excuses, Friend-zoning, or setting some kind of outrageous high standards.
When love comes your way, remember “it is what it is” don’t raise expectations. Just allow nature to take its course. However, if someone else has occupied that heart, just don’t force it and be not perturbed when no one comes by. Eventually, you’ll find that person. And when you do, make a positive impact on his or her life, try your best to make him or her happy, face life one day at a time, and spice it up when you have to, learn and relearn in the relationship.
I am no expert on this matter but what I do know is; The world is evolving and no one is going to give you that man it’s up to you to make yourself available and stop treating them as if they aren’t worth your love. No one gives you a map; you have to make one for yourself by setting thoughtful rules for yourself of how things should be and not be at every point in your life.
Your society and the world around you should not decipher what you should do. So to my friend who is always posing a lot of questions… I am also waiting for the same conviction you had when you met “Mr. Right.”
Image by :reartgallery (Photographer)