…and as I walked through the familiar path of potholes that led to the doorsteps, where we had spent many starry nights cuddling and looking into each other’s sunken eyeballs, memories came flooding back as the fragrance of the rose bushes wafted over me. In my mind’s eye I could see him shirtless, flashing his usual signature smile and barbecuing pork chops in the garden. Pork! How we used to race each other to Korkor’s domedo joint.
I have plans of passing by after work today. Do you mind? You may have to entertain me with the usual because I’ve got a lot on my mind and I need a distraction. Hopefully, I don’t get to forget I have a meeting tomorrow..
See you soon.
Cecilia.
My knocks on the door were feeble and evenly timed as though I was uncertain of knocking in the first place. Suddenly I realized my throat had gone dry and my palms were getting sweaty. At last, I took courage to send in a few knock and called out “Kekeli, Kekeli,…agoo are you in there?”
He came out shirtless, stared deeply at the figure standing in front of him. It was as if he wanted to say his last words and all. his heart thumping excitedly against his chest, The emotions bottled up on the inside pushed upwards threatening to choke him… He took another long and careful gaze and smiled.
Hey you…
before anything else, I have something to say. Don’t get alarmed! Nothing’s happened! Nothing’s been said! We still are the good friends we deceptively tell ourselves we are despite all the signs.
have you ever felt that way before? When the one person you’ve ever TRULY loved is that one person you very well know you aren’t allowed to??
I mean can you imagine all the restraint and emotional willpower it’s taken me to roll along, stay mute and pretend as if nothing is happening to me?
Maybe it’s an infatuation, sis, but what I do know is I’m elated when I’m in her company; when all her focus is me and the kind of vibe is unexplainable.
A love that may never well be…
I have no idea if the gods have anointed her as the one for me, all I know is when I’m with her I’m spurred to be better; to do better; to look out for the best in me… if ‘us’ would ever be; if ‘us’ would ever materialize but this I do know…. Her ilk is rare…
Demedo : Fried pork usually sold in the evenings at a busy spot or joint.
I could have sworn they had a good chance to make a headway.
But like a hurricane, it left him running to find comfort and peace somewhere else.
I heard you are doing so well and that work has taken a better part of you.
Yolanda, it filled my heart with hope for just a few days- until reality hit me.
Kobby…
You see, the thing is, with you, I never even stood a chance.
We seemed to be on two different worlds. You and l. We never stood a chance.
You had your head always buried in books and I had my heels hustling for my daily evening meals- Kenkey and fish.
She had you “the Accra-East Legon-Accra” kind of life. All I need is to save pessewas and change from trotro mates before I could get a ticket to Tafo in Kumasi.
I couldn’t afford to take you to peduase Lodge and not even national theatre to see Ebo Whyte’s stage plays.
However, she had it all…
And I lost in the ring: hands-down!
I can’t afford a bouquet of roses, a Louis Vuitton bag and Christian Dior perfume.
You are way out of my league!
And when I compare my family to hers, she slays in it better than I do.
Maybe, just maybe, that could be a factor…
You see, every mosquito bite I have on my legs was as a result of staying up late in the night, trying hard to figure out how, and why you couldn’t just take me as I am.
And even though I’d to do one hell of a job loving you, you never gave me a chance to.
But then again, that’s your loss. Yes.
Never will you know what it feels like to be loved by a poor person.
But I will love you with the love that walks some extra kilometres in the scorching sun to your house just to see you.
I will love you with the love that whips up poems to make Shakespeare feel unaccomplished.
Unbridled love.
Passionate.
Intense.
Real.
The kind that money cannot buy and makes you want to give thanks to God always.
The kind that makes you want to shout “hallelujah” and “Amen” when everyone is quiet in chapel.
I will give you random hugs- hugs for no reason, hugs when I remember how lucky I am to have you.
You will feel the love in my voice when I say I love you.
I will look at you like you are my most prized possession- because, indeed, you are.
Yes, that kind of love.
Even if I can’t be the one to love you, I hope you find someone who can love you even half as much as i would have, if i had been given a chance to.
I am thankful and overwhelmed today because I have had the most readers from these countries: Ghana, United States, Canada, South Africa, United Kingdom, Spain and Nigeria.
To all my readers across the world,you are the reason I grab my phone to type my thoughts on this blog even when I have lost interest in everything. Being as integral part of this journey in my blogging experience, I love that you have still stuck with me.
If you missed the first part of this story, please have a good read before enjoying this one. Here you go🖕
My prayer 💜
After resigning, in this critical period (Covid-19), I mean who is still hiring now? The system itself in the country is whack! This is what happened after kissing my Job good-bye!
My family could sense my frustration and uneasiness. After some few days, I regained strength and started a part-time work, took some online courses, did some volunteering work, attended useful programs, I kept applying to other governmental sectors once I got to know there is a vacancy; gave time to my novels and I didn’t forget to keep hope alive. Through this situation, I had some opportunities and I met some new people. It was worth it.
But of course, I didn’t forget the one thing I was praying for: my pending appointment letter. I mostly called to follow-up on it and the feedback from the office wasn’t very encouraging.
There were days, I didn’t feel like telling God anything and I just wanted to be left alone in my room. A friend who has always been with me throughout this painful moment of my life reminded me of the Parable of the wicked Judge and the persistent Widow. I took time to reflect on the story and prayed.
It’s normal to lose hope, cry and be perturbed. It is normal to go through the day without feeling hungry if you were in my situation. The adventure took me by surprise and it hit me so hard! However, I grew stronger.
I told God to let his favor be with me.
I told him about my situation even though he knew it.
I told God my frustrations and how impatient I was.
I told him I wanted to tell this testimony and to inspire others with my story.
I told him I was tired and I didn’t have the strength to continue. He should just grant me a miracle!
All my prayers and thanks turned into this hymn. I actually sung when I received a call that early morning.
👯👯👯👯👯👯👯👯👯👯👯👯
You are my strength when I am weak You are the treasure that I seek You are my all in all Seeking You as a precious jewel Lord to give up I’d be a fool You are my all in all
Jesus Lamb of God worthy is Your name Jesus Lamb of God worthy is Your name
Taking my sin my cross my shame Rising again I bless your name You are my all in all When I fall down you pick me up When I am dry You fill my cup You are my all in all
Jesus Lamb of God worthy is Your name Jesus Lamb of God worthy is Your name
Jesus Lamb of God worthy is Your name Jesus Lamb of God worthy is Your name
Jesus Lamb of God worthy is Your name Jesus Lamb of God worthy is Your name Worthy is Your name Worthy is Your name
I remembered what my mentor at Accra Academy Campus told me when I went there to ask for help. She prayed with me in the office, sung and assured me:
“Listen, you are loved. Man doesn’t have your back in this situation. This is just a test of faith! You will get a place even in this critical period“
I went back there and took what belonged to me😩. I was beamed with smiles and prayed! I Thanked God for not giving up on me.
I actually came back home and wept. My mum couldn’t hold back her tears. You know days ago, I was always scrolling through my contacts, asking myself:
“Who does this person know?”
“Can he or she be of help to me?”
Sometimes, my calls were missed, they never called back, other times, the received calls turned into: “Linda, may I call back? I’m kind of busy now” they weren’t going to call back either. I became a nuisance to people. I gave up calling or texting. I remembered what the scripture said in Jeremiah 29( For I know the plans I have for you….) You know when humans forget about us, when the going gets tough. I decided not to call again. To relax and let God’s will be done in this situation!
I’m a living testimony. Seriously this is my testimony! God didn’t forget about my situation. He heard my prayers. He never fails us.
I finally got a better place. This particular one got me stunned. This is what I deserve!!
Grateful to all who helped me during this difficult time: Mummy, Aunty C, Aunty Mercy, B.B Thompson, Elixagyare, Seyram, Harrison (State House), Lucy, Aunty Patricia and Aunty Pearl 💕. And to you who knew of my story and prayed for God’s intervention, I am grateful. Bless you.
They spoke against God, saying, ‘Can God spread a table in the desert? When he struck the rock, water gushed out, and streams flowed abundantly. But can he also give us food? Can he supply meat for his people?Psalm 78:19-20
The story of a woman with no child stuck me hard even when she had prayed for years and there was nothing. Days later,she turned her hall into a baby room and continued steadfastly in earnest prayer. Just like the widow in 1 Kings 7, her sorrows was turned into Joy. She couldn’t hold back her tears when the doctor told her the good news!
From our lips to God’s ears only: whatever we ask will be delivered to us and whatever we have lost will be restored to us. This is the kind of prayer I muttered as I quit my Job and tasked myself not to sit home but find something more lucrative to do.
I had a government appointment right after quitting my job. Now the battle between myself and this “unknown imp” (if I should even refer to it like that) came to cloud my plans. Oh I had plans! Trust me they were very good and insightful ones. But as the saying goes “Man proposes and God disposes”
We were asked to submit our letters and other documents at the Regional Office as stated in the appointment letter. But like the ambitious me who didn’t want to waste any more time because I felt this is a very good sign from God, I got to the Regional Office rather earlier than the usual time. I submitted all documents and proceeded to look for my district to do same. Now, this came to me as a “blow in my face” when
There was a TWIST!
1. I had the wrong district and found the right one.
2. Went to my new place of posting only to be told there was no vacancy ( a government appointment too???). I was confused about the whole situation.
3. Looking for other alternatives quickly. Going back to where I had my internship programme and attachment programme just to ask if I could request for an assurance letter so I could be posted to work there. Another blow to my face when I was told, “We don’t do such things any more” I was devastated! 😩
4. Going back to my posting and getting a letter of re-posting and going back to the Regional Office again! 😂 (Ei, now I was just thinking- is it God’s way of taking me out of a situation?). During this time, I called all the people I knew who could be of help to me. I contacted hundreds of people whom could probably lead me to someone to at least give me a new place I could work.
Then I learned something new from this experience:
People (even family members) will forget you in your nothingness.
They will never get back to you any time soon.
Humans will never ask “How did it go?
“Was it successful?”
They will say, ” I will pray for you” and I tell you what, they will forget to do so.
Trust me, It’s human nature! I wasn’t perturbed at all. Do you know why? I always woke up with a mindset of getting this Job. In my heart of hearts, I knew a testimony will present itself soon!
Capable God 💜
Guess what, none got back to me. Those who did, probably got fed up already with my situation. (I lost hope). I prayed, I slept on an empty stomach, I asked God questions, mum was worried, I was just wondering- What is the problem with our system in this Country?? 🙄
This was the least! the next blow was going back again in search for another place of re-posting. Then lo, I found a place. (I never liked the place or didn’t want to think of myself getting to work there). A begger with a choice! I just didn’t want to settle for less! I have always wanted the best for myself and be challenged in whatever I found myself doing. I was however reluctant to submit my documents for them to finish up with the process so I can at least take a break from this adventure!
I remember shedding tears at the entrance of the Regional Office on Monday 25th January after the Registrar told me she couldn’t find the documents I presented to her to be re-posted!
The year is ending and unfortunately, so is my relationship. Wait a minute, my relationship beat 2020 to it, because it’s already ended. These past days have been the toughest ever. I haven’t slept in days, I haven’t eaten much (I’m starving, I just can’t eat), I’ve cried my tear ducts empty and I just […]
Gerwig, the writer of “Little Women”, portrays her most talked about Character Josephine March, who is also known as “Jo” an aspiring and eventually a successful writer. Her up-bringing is made clear to Gerwig’s audience when she drives herself mercilessly and tastes the rejection of her works with which some writers in her vicinity are not so pleased and unhappy with.
A scene from the Movie!
The movie also takes a romantic stage. This is made real in a way where the audience could actually relate to the scenes. From the outset of the movie, Gerwig sets these two characters, Jo and Laurie as perfect for each other in every role played. With the exception of the one into which sentimental conventions would force them: and that is “Marriage”.
Jo: “it will be a lie to say I do, when I don’t…”
Jo’s career as a scribbler makes her lonely, but she is made much lonelier by the realization that love in real life does not greatly resemble the kind of love she describes in her most of her stories. Now, even though her other three sisters, Meg, Beth and Amy and her Mum loved her Write-up’s, Hers, to many didn’t meet that of the standards to what most authors and the professor wanted.
Jo does more than show affection for her family. She showed much love by cutting her hair to sell when the news broke out that her Dad was ill. She must also earn the money that supports them, and this necessity sometimes means neglecting them in favor of her work. Her love for Laurie, grew when she let him find a greater happiness in her sister Amy than she can give him as a wife. To borrow the words of Leonard Cohen, “Love, for Jo, is not a victory march”
Lessons learnt from Gerwig’s “Little Women”
1. The act of Kindness and Sacrificing is a great value.
I have never experienced anything like this as I have now in my field of endeavor. After watching this Movie, I couldn’t help but relate with the sense of Kindness and unconditional love from Marmee and her Children to other neighbors.
“Let me be your shoulder and please let me make you happy”
Whenever someone utters these words, I get goosebumps and I am lost for words. Marmee shed tears when she gets to know Hannah her neighbor and children had no food for their Christmas festival. She had to pack up breakfast meant for her household to Hannah. This scene is so epic and heart-warming.
Even though they don’t have much themselves. Kindness is one of the cornerstones of how Marmee raises her girls, and in turn they learn how to weave kindness into their everyday. Tell you what, I have and I am still experiencing this act. I, however, wonder how this person does it.
2. Learn to focus more on your previous achievement and work on new dreams: Overcome the Obstacles.
From the movie, we see the attitude of strength demonstrated by Marmee. This moral trait is exhibited on the four March sisters. Their father is a chaplain for the Union army who was not living with them. This makes Marmee and her children firm in their own task. Somehow, she is seen as a woman who steers her four teenage daughters on very little money while still raising her daughters with love and values. She does this perfectly well. Her strength and activeness is impeccable! Gerwig presents her as unassuming in this movie.
3. Live for yourself and not for others.
You might probably do anything when it comes to matters of the heart. Once someone advices “If you are going to add value to yourself,it should be that you are doing it for you and not for others or anyone” Amy tells Laurie, who’s been in love with Jo for years, that he can love her forever if he chooses. She adds: “But don’t let it spoil you, for it’s wicked to throw away so many good gifts because you can’t have the one you want.”
Listen, if you are doing it because of someone else, stop and ponder over it. Remember these, do it for you and not for them! Expectations hurts! Don’t succumb to it. Learn to let go of your expectations and accept things the way they are.
Is there a more quintessential human challenge than letting go?I personally think Jo should have married Laurie. But she had her own opinion about how love should be and finally had to let Laurie go. And just like Amy suggests, I’ve let go of my expectations and accepted change. Many a time, we let the one thing we have thought we wanted destroy all the good things going on in our lives.
4. Self-love is the best!
I have come to understand this in a very wired way. Now more than ever, we have got to tell ourselves whether they care for us or not, whatever happens, the good, bad and ugly. If you don’t love yourself, there is no way you can love others too.
The Little Women quote, “Be worthy love, and love will come”. Lesson learnt: Learn not to expect someone to come along and save you or make you whole. Enjoy the moment, Live life to the fullest, Add Value to life. “We have to be fully satisfied and sure of ourselves as individuals before we can truly experience everything that love has to offer us”
Rating of “Little Women” Screenshot from Google!
This Movie was worth my time! Please find time, download and watch it too!
A happy new month loves. May this month fill us with Joy and peace. Read Chapter 5 of W.I.S.H?
Akosua was in love with a church guy but the occurrence that surrounded this love was tough. Did she give up? Pursued till the end? Found another love? Confused as it may seem, her never-ending-story continues.
———————————————————– Who was he? What has he done to me? I couldnt help but torture my damn self from this conflicting incidents. These questions kept flooding my mind, making me second guess everything I thought I knew about love and its repercussions. My brain was getting worked up, like a computer when multiple files are opened at once and if I wasnt careful it would crash.
I needed to relax. I took a breather and composed myself. A best friend who could sense a different me, the Holy Spirit urged me to look beyond the non-existent feelings and approach life with faith and vigor. My rational mind told me a prayer of faith could as well bring my attention to him. Doubts sometimes did set in because, here is this man standing in front of me with looks every girl would like to have, in every conversation, the word God comes in it, looking at his mannerisms, one will easily conclude he is a home maker, an observer with the spirit of open-mindedness, less judgmental and he damn knows how to handle a situation. These qualities were striking and I couldn’t wait to pinpoint his flaws he damn knows he is attractive and a good conversationist I am not saying this to make his big head bigger than it is already. Anyways, he did win my heart and I did admire him and wished my future dates will possess these enviable qualities; and even more. My prayer topic wasn’t about him- truth! It was about having faith and zeal to stand up for what I believe in and that
Every woman should also be in a position to express her feelings without any hindrance or mockery from society. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this.
His intentions and thoughts about me weren’t really a bother to me because, personally, I will never yearn to please a guy. It will be telling a lie and living a life of hypocrisy. I will rather be myself and accept thoughtful or constructive criticism, and pay attention to suggestions. I was in no position to make any demands, suggest things we should do, in terms of going out, creating good conversations, why? He is sure to ask a why because, I was very emotional and a disappointment will definitely kill me in the end. I just didnt want to push too hard with him and had to be careful.
My prayer then was:
Dear Heavenly father, your daughter is grateful for her life. I confess my sins before you and bring my request before you. God, here is this man I long and hope to have a future with. I am hurt because of the circumstances surrounding this situation. If this is your will and desire for me, so be it.
A prayer could bring my attention to Kay.
This prayer was said without faith. Without faith because a part of me felt it was never going to happen. Even with me in the next world, he will definately choose another over me. Not to say this is judgemental but Kay’s utterances clearly shown otherwise. I was not matching up to his standard and i couldn’t fake it too.
Mum said in chapter 2, Chapter 2 if he likes you, he will definately come around. No need to push harder and complicate things for yourself. I could however recall Kay saying this in passing Fortune Favors the bravery. I was brave. Yes, brave in telling him about my feelings. But what I failed to recognized was that he was the kind who would want to hang out with a lady of his caliber- Tall, fair, pretty, good-looking, Jolly-going type, sociable, laugh at the slightest jokes, and one with an intelligent brain. And certainly not my kind who is scared when I see him and feel naturally uncomfortable with him. Truth is, all I wanted was his friendship and being inspired by his attitude. I guessed I rushed into making friends with him and keeping crossed fingers. Little did I know, I will be hurting inside if I don’t move on and keep a positive mindset about the whole situation. An idea quickly came in mind and this idea helped me in one way or the other. This was “branding myself”
Well there you have it- the efforts of poetessakosua reader pressure. I feel as though i haven’t been the best version of me in recent times when it comes to storytelling, so i guess it doesn’t hurt to give you what you want. Chapter 1, 2,3 and 4 got many of you texting me for Chapter 5. Been so long that you have probably forgotten the story (sorry!) so please feel free to refresh your memory.
********************************** He still got it and he could still get it. I sheepishly thought to myself. I curved out a smile, an attempt to mask the glooming sadness that was building up around me. He was here. He was finally here, with me after one whole year. I pinched myself, I had waited for him. My love for him still intact. He will never be mine I keep reminding myself whenever we went out on a date, to the movies, sat together, crack jokes, shared testimonies, I remembered as I stared at him in awe and longing for the good old days when he was around me but those days had already come to pass, and if there is one thing I knew then is that wishes aren’t horses and even if they were, my dispirited self would be unable to ride. This man that I loved, this man that my broken heart had longed for was standing in front of me and I did not know what to do with him. I did not know how to act, what to say.
“Should I hug him, should I kiss?”
I deliberated with myself and when the deliberation bore no fruits I started shaking. I was nervous. It felt like we were meeting for the very first time and rightfully so because its only in that moment that I realized I knew so little of him. He, on the other hand, never made an attempt to know me, my family, my likes, dislikes, my perfume he only knew me for my old-fashioned nature and creative pieces. I was hurt and needed to run away from all this drama before I lost my sanity.
Finally, an opportunity presented itself and I went on a faraway land in search of greener pastures. The nature of work in a new environment and office gave little time to reminisce on my past and brood over my heart desires. Many a time, you will find me lost in thoughts and I’ll console myself with these words:
Akosua, you know better than anyone else that love can’t be fixed and its certainly not a puzzle. You will find someone better than Kay.
Its just not easy saying all these encouraging words and then life continues as if nothing is happening. I never kept an image of him because, it was not worth it. I gave it time and gave work my all; kept fasting and praying to God.
Chapter 5 of my story was written before the events unfolded. It was to me like a premonition meant to happen before everything and there was no way I could have prevented this chapter from happening. The little and cute gifts you received was my own way of saying,
Goodbye friend, use this to remember me and whenever you come across this book of mine, don’t be sarcastic about it. Rather, see it as the many twist and turns to love life many ladies go through or rather, the ordeal that some of us who are not hypocrites express love without fear.
An advice from a friend reminded me I had made a terrible mistake of my life by expressing what I felt. To him, you should be 100% sure if a guy is into you before coming out blatantly to return that kind of love. But my point is, there were signs and flirty acts too- I guess I mistook it to be “This is my kind of Woman.”
Yassss! So Chapter 5 ends here. Guys, Chapter 6 will be published soon. Love y’all.
Happy friday, my loves, and welcome to the blog of the year (yes! We’re claiming already).
Today, we’re on chapter 4 of W.I.S.H the best series on PoetessAkosua .com Some have been waiting for this chapter; whether or not Akosua will give up on Kay in Chapter 3 Question is, how many men will give up on their “dream ladies”?
This was inevitable; we both know this. It’s been an emotional rollercoaster if I must say so myself, and as fierce and stubborn as I prove to be, it’s tough to say ‘the end.’
He looked so good, like he did the first time I laid eyes on him, like he always did. His big winsome eyes that would stare down on me whenever I hugged him like he saw me a little sister. And so many times I fantasied being with him and writing about him in his presence.
Hmm… so many times I tried to end this story of my life and I tried to stop this muse of mine that kept haunting me to stop day dreaming of something that is non-existent. And any time I tried so hard, a little voice kept telling me to run away from my fears and that could only be the solution to cure this sickness.
How long can I keep running?
Run!
If this is meant to happen, it would have happened long time without me having to put so much effort, and time.
There were days I felt I was pitied and mocked at behind closed doors. Ever felt you are not loved by someone you thought felt the same way about you and you finally got to realize they were just consoling you. This is indeed a struggle many ladies go through. I kept holding back, holding back and wishing one day he will spit out those three words already. Days I sat in a cab together with him and none uttered a word to each other. It was depressing- I got home and not even a call or text to find out whether or not
Akosua got home safe?
My instincts told me
Charley, these signs clearly shows dude isn’t into you. You better stop wasting your time and move on with your life.
Someone said this in passing, sometimes, time is all we need to heal us and to do the talking for us. Yes, time, time, time is what I need, to do the healing. However, I considered running away from my fears, being a cowardice and changing an environment. Frankly, I needed a change of environment, a social media break and some kind of psyching. That will help me grow into thoughts and understand that once someone isn’t into you, no matter what, you shouldn’t force feelings.
All social media apps, that could track my whereabouts failed and none knew where I was including my crush failed too.
I grew into thoughts of not sensing the “I miss you too” the ones we say without meaning it like we really do. No calls or recorded calls to hear his soothing voice and no text messages to re-read over again. It somehow did work out in my favor. But history will once be told that a lady wrote a poem proposing indirectly to a guy who had no interest in or whatsoever and society will always laugh and mock over it…
The story still continues…Wait for the 5th Chapter of “When I Spotted him…”
✌✌♥️♥️
You can leave your thoughts and comments under the blog post! Let’s keep it interactive! Be safe!
In case you missed Chapter 3, view the link here 👇👇👇👇👇
Hey guys, so I was just glancing through my previous post and I chanced on one of my favorite articles. “When I spotted him” though a true life story of an anonymous person, FYI (I’m not going back to my old state) 😀 somehow, I just felt like continuing the storyline… Read chapter One and Two yet?
This is the Sequel to both chapters…My story continues…
******************************** I had spent many of my days after chapter two, fighting with myself on whether or not I should spill it all out in person to him. Probably, he didn’t get my message or could be playing an open-minded game.
My rational mind knew more than anything that seeing him would be a bad idea, a grave mistake for it would spark different kinds of emotions in me. My love for him was strong, stronger than ever, his abscence had made my heart grow fonder and that had in turn made me scared, scared of him, scared of setting my sunken eyes on him, scared that he would read through me like his favourite childhood book and he would find my love for him deeply embedded in every nerve I possess and he would take advantage of it, of me.
We became very close and closer than I imagined. We spoke about everything and saw each other possessing the same mindset and qualities. Onlookers kept asking questions like are these two dating already? But you see, to him, questions like this was worthless and needed no reply. My instincts told me several times to shun him and pay attention to others who might want to have me all to themselves. But the harm has been done already.
The price I had to pay Chapter 3.
The news about my feelings for him spread like bushfire. I actually thought I could trust my lawyers and confidants about secret keeping and being discreet but my never-ending-story dashed out like a fire. It kept burning and even when I wanted to quench it with my sweet utterances, I grew numb. They lost the trust and close friendship we once had and I swore never to trust anyone with my utterances again because people will always remain the same.
I got the hate and frown from people who wanted to have me and I felt terrible. I couldn’t go close and be myself. The lukewarm attitude begun to set in and depression was eating me up like cancer in the blood. I became reclusive and stopped participating in activities once I knew they will definitely go. It’s not that I was leaving my responsibilities towards God’s work and being a cowardice; but rather, I didnt want things to escalate. He will be there, they will be there, and I will be there too and I can’t handle a teasing game or mockery from either sides- that will break my heart.
I could sense an antagonizing pain and hatred on faces; even with smiles that covered it. It was like they were wearing a mask that needs to be taken off. But you see, that wasn’t my worry at all because, I allowed this to happen to me. And somehow, I knew this day would come. My greatest fear was he would take advantage of the love that flowed freely through my veins, nourishing me and making me whole. I feared he may have done it before with his past relationships and this time round I wanted to guard my heart and I was willing to put my life on the line in doing so. I desperately wanted to protect my fragile heart from him but this heart of mine always had a soft spot for him, it ached for him, it would cry out to him during my numerous sleepless nights when he was far from me. It wept for him on his bad days and talked to God on his behalf, asking the Almighty to keep him safe and to protect him from the danger that was himself. It would turn a blind eye to his mistakes, for it loved and it loved dearly.
My heart was the only home I wanted him to know, a place where he could come and find peace when everything around him was in disarray. Even though there was nothing going on and people kept insinuating, in my heart of hearts, I knew a relationship with him is non-existent and he might not see me worthy of a wife. Truth is, I didn’t see myself meeting his standards or criteria of a woman.
Anytime I got close to him, my silence, was the home I wanted him to run to when the world was on his neck, chocking him and suffocating him with its unrealistic expectations. It was the home I wanted him to come to, when things were going his way, when he was winning his battles with life. I thought of the days I will steal glances at him and I will steal friendly hugs from him. I would place my head on his chest, to feel his heart beating not only to keep me alive but for him.
He would listen to the sound of my heart beating for him, the rhythm was his lullaby and I would watch him talk about Christ and his work. I would wrap my hands around his neck, hold him, close my eyes and breathe in heavily to take in that beautiful moment and gradually fall asleep with him in my arms, in his safe place.
The story continues… Wait for Chapter 4 in the Next post!
Please have a read of Chapter one of When I Spotted Him. here
****************************************
There was an attempt to get his attention and somehow, it did work out perfectly. The funny thing was, I had male friends speculating about the whole
“Who is this lucky guy”
To some, the assumed description fits their personality and I wished they’d approached to ask questions I’m pretty sure it’ll be a big blow to their face. Try asking me what happened to my co-worker; He got tired of hitting on me and had to friend zone me (well, if you ask me, it’s not a bad idea as long as we are not enemies).
What next? What happens to me? I was intrigued and wanted to know him more after he read my pieces. This time around I was so sure he read it and he was trying hard to put all dots together. Just like the movies we watch, when it gets to the climax, you are impatient and anxious to know what is going to happen next. In a face to face conversation, I had no choice than to finally throw in the towel.
“The mystery guy, all along is you and I just couldn’t help it than to write about what I felt in nice way”
The look on his face and giggles proved my assertions right. I was certainly not his kind of girl. How could I have allowed my emotions to control my thoughts? I did try and made an attempt but was it worth it?
Kay, was everything I have ever wanted in a boyfriend. He was the kind of guy you want to look at once and steal three more glances at, he was breathtakingly handsome and that smile of his sure does something to me. My girlfriends know I have a thing for fair guys but this dark dude got me day dreaming…
“Akosua, you’re a pretty girl and I admire your ambitious nature but I just don’t feel the same way you do…”
At this point, you can imagine what was going through my mind. All I could do was to fake a smile and inwardly, my instincts kept telling me “I warned you not to make a mockery of yourself”
This thing called “love” has a way of making people act in a crazy way. The point is, I tried and there was an attempt to get his attention but the question is, should I keep forcing myself on something that is non-existent?
Mum’s advice somehow comforted me:
The right person will love you for who you are and their motives will be completely pure. You should never question whether someone loves you for who you are, but know that they do by their words and actions. Truth is, if someone doesn’t love you isn’t feeling it, you shouldn’t waste your time trying to force things. But instead, find that one person who will feel things naturally and without you having to do “prove yourself, and force things”
Honestly, I’d have loved to write a part 3 and part 4 of this story but I guess that’s the reality of life. See, love is not forced and it’s inherent. We forget that we shouldn’t be searching for perfection, that we shouldn’t be holding people to unreachable standards, but instead finding someone whose laughter makes us laugh, whose smile turns our frown, whose hands makes ours tingle, whose happiness brings light to our lives, whose passion sets us on fire and loving them because it’s just that simple.
You certainly can’t make someone feel something they aren’t ready to feel. You can’t hold them to expectations far beyond their reach and be disappointed when they don’t measure up. Love is not about trying to put pieces of puzzle together to form something. It should happen in a natural way. I don’t know about you but I’d rather spend my Saturday and Friday nights all alone than be with someone I feel He or I am having to force feelings.
After seeing the person you’d want to be with, you should go to bed at night thinking of happiness and not feeling depressed or sad, feeling good when you wake up in the morning, feeling inspired, being challenged to attain greater height. This should make us feel naturally as though we are on cloud 9.
Please share your thoughts and tell me what you think about this blog post. Let’s have a chat in the comment section below.
Disclaimer : This is a blog post of work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of my imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events is entirely coincidental.
Poetess Akosua 